It's Fatty Friday!

So, I wasn't able to make it into the gym (again) this morning, but I weighed on my scale at home and it appears that I may have lost .5-1 lb. IDK. It's hard to tell because it isn't digital and it isn't my usual scale, but I still weigh on it every day so I have a general idea.

I have STRUGGLED this week!

Last weekend, my family and I watched Food, Inc. and wow, it is life changing. *Watch it!*

I've decided to not eat meat unless I know where it has come from so needless to say, it's been a bit of an adjustment. I've never *not* eaten meat so I didn't really know that I needed to be making sure that I was getting enough protein. I wasn't, and it was leaving me absolutely starving.

One night, I went to Target for a few groceries and I shit-you-not I bought a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cinnamon Bun ice cream and ate half of it on the car ride home.

I figured the points when I got back and holy canoli, I ate 30 points of ice cream. (totally worth it, it's heaven in the form of ice cold creamy goodness) I guess it wouldn't have been such a big deal, but I had already eaten all of my extra points in the form of little fun sized kit-kat, reese's, and hershey's bars. Sugar overload this week, I'm tellin' ya.

This week I hope to pack my diet with more protein and make my way over to the health food store so I can eat some meat! :) Also, I'm sure my body would benefit from a little less sugar.

Too bad I've never met a cookie I don't like!

Pre-operative freak out.

This morning we trekked up to Children's Hospital to have Braxton's pre-op appointment. I left in tears.

All along my biggest concern with his lip was feeding. I wanted to nurse him so badly and it took a ton of hard work and lots of tears but we eventually got it down. It's virtually unheard of to be able to nurse a baby with a cleft, so I take immense pride in the fact that we pushed through.

I've loved every minute of BFing. I have never been bitter about being the only one to feed him like I thought I might. Maybe that's because I knew that it might not last long.

Before our initial appointment with the plastic surgeon, I called to ask some questions. I asked if I would be able to nurse him after the surgery and the girl told me that I would have to bottle feed for 2-3 weeks following surgery. I freaked out, calling my BFing advocate bestie, Jenn for advice about what to do. The girl called me back and told me that she talked to the Dr. and that he said I would be able to try to nurse after his surgery. WHEW. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and felt silly for freaking the hell out.

At his first consult they reiterated that point, that I would be able to try to nurse, but they warned that Braxton might not particularly want to nurse. I felt like I could deal with that, we would push through the difficulty just like we did in the beginning.

Today, the doctor tells me that he doesn't want me to nurse for 2 weeks following surgery. I'm devastated. I'm so scared that he will never want to nurse again. I'm so not ready to stop nursing. I'm scared that I wont be able to maintain my supply with pumping for two weeks. Not to mention, it will take so long to feed him, as they want me to basically squeeze milk into his mouth, no sucking on his part. Will he forget how to suck? What will I do if he is crying because he is desperate for his momma and wants to nurse and I'm not supposed to? Two weeks suddenly seems like a lifetime.

On the other hand, I understand where the doctor is coming from. If it's going to hurt him to nurse, then of course I don't want to do it. If it will disrupt his healing, I don't want to do it. As his mom, it's my job to protect him. This gets a little tricky because I need to help him heal, but it feels natural to nurse him to make him feel better.

By the end of the appointment, I got the doctor to say that I would be able to attempt nursing, so technically, I got my way. But I don't really want to get my way if it's going to hurt my little guys' healing.

This just keeps getting more complicated and frustrating...

So, I guess I'll spend the next week enjoying our time nursing, and hope and pray that it won't be the end of it.

Anxious...

Tomorrow morning we go for Braxton's pre-op appointment with the plastic surgeon! I'll post tomorrow to let you know how it goes. His surgery is one week from today, yikes!

Banging in the laundry

Let me tell you a little bit about my Ashton. Around the time that he turned 7 months old, he went from being this lazy cuddle bug to a man on a mission. He learned to crawl and now the world was there for his exploring. Seriously, he went from the 75th percentile for weight to the 35th between his 6 and 9 month appointments, just from learning how to crawl.

He became fiercely independent. Gone were the days of rocking to sleep and cuddling. He goes down to bed awake and it seems as though he can't physically be rocked to sleep anymore. There is just too much going on around him, and he wants to be in on it all.



Every once in a while he'll surprise me, though. One of these times happened the other day.

I had put the boys down for a nap and was doing a little laundry when Ashton woke up crying, about 20 minutes after I had put him down. I figured he just wasn't tired enough and I would let him play for a while before trying again. He was still upset so I took him into the living room and sat down on the couch where he just sat in my lap for a while, snuggled up to me. About that time, I heard a noise coming from the back of the house and I can't for the life of me figure out what it was. I'm wracking my brain when I realize the only thing it could possibly be is the laundry. OH CRAP. I had just put sheets in the washer and there is literally BANGING in there.

At this point, I know it's one of two things (or both, I guess). It's either the remote (not a huge deal), or it's my iPhone (a somewhat larger deal). I start to pick Ashton up and set him down on the couch when he tells me "No". (You know, that wonderful word that every mother dreads the day that their child learns how to say.) I decide to go with it and stay on the couch. About 30 seconds later, my crazy-wild-into-everything-little-boy is fast asleep snuggled up next to his mommy. I was in heaven. I sat there and prayed that Braxton stayed asleep for a while and tried to keep the tears away while I thought about how fast my baby has grown into a little boy that doesn't need his mommy to fall asleep anymore.


And I didn't care one bit that I now have a mountain fresh remote control. :)

**Fatty Friday**

It's Fatty Friday again! Is it just me or are the weeks just flying by? I feel like I just did the last FF post yesterday or something! I made it into the gym this morning to weigh on my usual FF scale. It's hard to know exactly how much I have lost since last week since I didn't get in there to weigh, but I'm down 6 lbs from 2 weeks ago! Woot! It is so encouraging to see those numbers sink lower and lower.

My training for my first 5k is going so well. I did my first 25 minute run (2.5 miles) without stopping today. It feels amazing to be able to run that long! When I first started back to the gym after having Brax, about 6 weeks ago, I thought I would have a heart attack after running 3 laps on the track. The 2.5 miles is 27.5 laps!! And you know what, I'm not dying at the end of my run. The couch to 5k program is great for building up to running longer times and distances. I'm hoping to do a half marathon by the end of the year (we'll see how that goes... the thought of running 13 miles right now makes me want to hide under the covers!)

Happy getting healthy!

Caught him!

So, I've been trying so hard to snap a pic of Braxton's beautiful smile. Getting him to smile isn't the issue, it's getting him to smile with a huge black camera all up in his business that he's not too crazy about.


The pic isn't great but it's what I got.
This makes me a little,crazy sad because in two short weeks, he'll have his surgery and his face will never be the same. Forever changed in 3-4 hours under the knife. He'll never look like that baby boy they showed me in the OR. His smile will never look like it does now. I'm soaking it up.

A little shoppin...

The one time I felt well enough to get out of the house this week, I decided to round up the babies and make a Target run. Oh how I LOVE Target. I could get into some serious trouble in there!
They had some fantastically cute t-shirts on sale for $8 so I grabbed a couple. I end up staying in my work out clothes most of the day anyway (I know, gross.) So I figured I might as well have a couple of cute things. I picked tie-dye cause I'm a super big tree huggin hippie... Uh, yeah. ;)

They have a bunch of different designs (not just tie-dye) and solids as well. You can't beat $8! I think the sale ends Saturday so you should go getchasome!

Also, I picked up a couple pairs of socks.
Y'all. Do you KNOW that they have super cute socks for ONE DOLLAR per pair?! I think this is fabulous, because I vowed to never ever wear plain white socks again. Weird, I know.


At the end of my Target trip, I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but at least I got a few cute things out of it!