"Ashton! We do not sit on your brothers' face!!"

So, we had to make not one, but two trips to the plastic surgeon today!
It all started when I was trying to get the kids ready to go to Ashton's 18 month appointment. Braxton wouldn't nurse so I had to pump. I put Braxton on the ottoman and was pumping away. Ashton crawled up onto the ottoman with him and proceded to SIT on Braxton's face. Immediately B is screaming and blood is flowing. We all three just bawled while I scrambled to think of what to do. I've never felt like such a failure as a mother, it was terrible.
Once we all calmed down, I called the plastic surgeons office and actually got to speak right to him (have I mentioned that he is amazing?!) He said that he thought everything was probably fine as the bleeding had stopped but wanted us to come up just to make sure. We went right away and I swear, I didn't even have to wait 2 minutes once we got there to see him. He said that he thought it had probably separated a little bit and that he might need another surgery in a year or two to correct it. Not great news, but not as bad as it could have been.
When I got home, I started to nurse B when my phone rang. It was the PS. He decided to try to put a steri-strip on the separation in hopes of avoiding another surgery. I finished feeding him and we went right back up there. This time, he cut the glue off that had been pulled up and once he did, he could actually get a look at it. He said that if it had separated, it was back together perfectly so it didn't even need the steri-strip! Such great news! He thinks it will heal up just fine, but now we have to be ultra cautious to not let anything bump into or touch it. We're putting ointment on it and he's doing great. His momma is shook up quite a bit, but he was smiling 20 minutes after it happened...
One thing is for sure, he's going to be one tough little boy! I'm sure he'll pay his brother back once he's big enough!

A hospital is such a fun place for a toddler.

Just some pictures of our big boy from the hospital! 

He got tired while we were waiting.

I needed to contain the monster. :)

He actually did pretty well at the hospital. We were constantly chasing him around, but this is nothing new! 

Whew... It's over.

Braxton's surgery has come and gone and we are in full recovery mode around here! The day of the surgery was crazy to say the least. We had to be at the hospital at 6:00 AM and everything went fast after that. Much faster than I was expecting but I guess when you have a tiny baby that hasn't been allowed to eat for a while, they move faster!

We had several doctors and nurses come talk to us before it began and they all had different thoughts on how long it would take, we got answers of anywhere from one to five hours. We figured we would go with the doctor's guess of 3-4 hours but that time came and went and before we knew it, it had been SEVEN long, long hours away from my baby. When they called and told me we could come to the recovery room, I practically ran (actually, I think I did a little.) It was so hard to see him coming out of anesthesia, all drugged and wanting to cry but all he could get out was a horse whimper. His poor throat was so raw from a tube being down it for the whole surgery. I've never been so relieved to see someone, and let me tell you, he looks like an angel! But I might be a little partial to him. ;)

Luckily, my doctor had a change of heart and decided he wanted me to continue to nurse, if Braxton seemed interested. We gave him a small bottle in the recovery room and then it was time to try to nurse. I was SO nervous! I had never thought about what his lip would look like after the surgery for some reason. Thankfully, he nursed great and we've only had to give a couple of bottles. I'm sure you know what an absolute relief it was for this momma!

You may be asking yourself how you would deal with having your child in surgery for such a LONG time! Well, let me tell you! I have the best friends a girl could ask for. They came (some even taking off work) and sat with me and kept me company and kept me from just sitting and worrying. It was amazing. It made the time go so much faster. If they weren't there, I just know I would have been a blubbering mess the whole seven hours. I'm forever grateful to them for that!

I surely hope that none of my friends' children never ever have a reason to be in a hospital but if they do, I can't say enough great things about Children's Hospital in OKC. Dr. Petersen, our plastic surgeon has the best bedside manner that I have ever seen and the nurses were phenomenal. There were people coming in just to make sure the nurses were great, volunteers coming in just to see if we needed anything, departments bringing Braxton a stuffed animal or us hot chocolate and cookies. You wouldn't even believe how great they were.

I've gotta say, Dr. Petersen did absolutely amazing work. He couldn't have done a better job, I think it's going to look so great when it's healed. That said, I miss his wide smile. I think I'll always miss it.

Recovery hasn't been too awful. He really opened up and seemed like himself about 24 hours after his surgery, even trying to smile here and there. We still can't tell what his smile is going to look like because he's quite swollen on the inside of his lip. Today (day three) has been a bit of a rough day, the worst for sure but not unbearable. Hopefully he will start to feel better soon!

Pity Party OVER.

After two days of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I've decided to change my attitude about this whole thing. I'm going to do everything I can for my little boy.

If that means that I have to stop nursing for two weeks, then I will do it. I'll work my ass off to keep my supply up with pumping and I'll try as hard as I possibly can to get back into nursing after the two weeks. I'm refusing the idea that it won't work out, just like I did when he was born. We *will* get through this, and come out better on the other side for it.

Thanks for all the kind words, advice, and for being the proverbial "shoulder to cry on". Y'all rock my face.

It's Fatty Friday!

So, I wasn't able to make it into the gym (again) this morning, but I weighed on my scale at home and it appears that I may have lost .5-1 lb. IDK. It's hard to tell because it isn't digital and it isn't my usual scale, but I still weigh on it every day so I have a general idea.

I have STRUGGLED this week!

Last weekend, my family and I watched Food, Inc. and wow, it is life changing. *Watch it!*

I've decided to not eat meat unless I know where it has come from so needless to say, it's been a bit of an adjustment. I've never *not* eaten meat so I didn't really know that I needed to be making sure that I was getting enough protein. I wasn't, and it was leaving me absolutely starving.

One night, I went to Target for a few groceries and I shit-you-not I bought a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cinnamon Bun ice cream and ate half of it on the car ride home.

I figured the points when I got back and holy canoli, I ate 30 points of ice cream. (totally worth it, it's heaven in the form of ice cold creamy goodness) I guess it wouldn't have been such a big deal, but I had already eaten all of my extra points in the form of little fun sized kit-kat, reese's, and hershey's bars. Sugar overload this week, I'm tellin' ya.

This week I hope to pack my diet with more protein and make my way over to the health food store so I can eat some meat! :) Also, I'm sure my body would benefit from a little less sugar.

Too bad I've never met a cookie I don't like!

Pre-operative freak out.

This morning we trekked up to Children's Hospital to have Braxton's pre-op appointment. I left in tears.

All along my biggest concern with his lip was feeding. I wanted to nurse him so badly and it took a ton of hard work and lots of tears but we eventually got it down. It's virtually unheard of to be able to nurse a baby with a cleft, so I take immense pride in the fact that we pushed through.

I've loved every minute of BFing. I have never been bitter about being the only one to feed him like I thought I might. Maybe that's because I knew that it might not last long.

Before our initial appointment with the plastic surgeon, I called to ask some questions. I asked if I would be able to nurse him after the surgery and the girl told me that I would have to bottle feed for 2-3 weeks following surgery. I freaked out, calling my BFing advocate bestie, Jenn for advice about what to do. The girl called me back and told me that she talked to the Dr. and that he said I would be able to try to nurse after his surgery. WHEW. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and felt silly for freaking the hell out.

At his first consult they reiterated that point, that I would be able to try to nurse, but they warned that Braxton might not particularly want to nurse. I felt like I could deal with that, we would push through the difficulty just like we did in the beginning.

Today, the doctor tells me that he doesn't want me to nurse for 2 weeks following surgery. I'm devastated. I'm so scared that he will never want to nurse again. I'm so not ready to stop nursing. I'm scared that I wont be able to maintain my supply with pumping for two weeks. Not to mention, it will take so long to feed him, as they want me to basically squeeze milk into his mouth, no sucking on his part. Will he forget how to suck? What will I do if he is crying because he is desperate for his momma and wants to nurse and I'm not supposed to? Two weeks suddenly seems like a lifetime.

On the other hand, I understand where the doctor is coming from. If it's going to hurt him to nurse, then of course I don't want to do it. If it will disrupt his healing, I don't want to do it. As his mom, it's my job to protect him. This gets a little tricky because I need to help him heal, but it feels natural to nurse him to make him feel better.

By the end of the appointment, I got the doctor to say that I would be able to attempt nursing, so technically, I got my way. But I don't really want to get my way if it's going to hurt my little guys' healing.

This just keeps getting more complicated and frustrating...

So, I guess I'll spend the next week enjoying our time nursing, and hope and pray that it won't be the end of it.

Anxious...

Tomorrow morning we go for Braxton's pre-op appointment with the plastic surgeon! I'll post tomorrow to let you know how it goes. His surgery is one week from today, yikes!

Banging in the laundry

Let me tell you a little bit about my Ashton. Around the time that he turned 7 months old, he went from being this lazy cuddle bug to a man on a mission. He learned to crawl and now the world was there for his exploring. Seriously, he went from the 75th percentile for weight to the 35th between his 6 and 9 month appointments, just from learning how to crawl.

He became fiercely independent. Gone were the days of rocking to sleep and cuddling. He goes down to bed awake and it seems as though he can't physically be rocked to sleep anymore. There is just too much going on around him, and he wants to be in on it all.



Every once in a while he'll surprise me, though. One of these times happened the other day.

I had put the boys down for a nap and was doing a little laundry when Ashton woke up crying, about 20 minutes after I had put him down. I figured he just wasn't tired enough and I would let him play for a while before trying again. He was still upset so I took him into the living room and sat down on the couch where he just sat in my lap for a while, snuggled up to me. About that time, I heard a noise coming from the back of the house and I can't for the life of me figure out what it was. I'm wracking my brain when I realize the only thing it could possibly be is the laundry. OH CRAP. I had just put sheets in the washer and there is literally BANGING in there.

At this point, I know it's one of two things (or both, I guess). It's either the remote (not a huge deal), or it's my iPhone (a somewhat larger deal). I start to pick Ashton up and set him down on the couch when he tells me "No". (You know, that wonderful word that every mother dreads the day that their child learns how to say.) I decide to go with it and stay on the couch. About 30 seconds later, my crazy-wild-into-everything-little-boy is fast asleep snuggled up next to his mommy. I was in heaven. I sat there and prayed that Braxton stayed asleep for a while and tried to keep the tears away while I thought about how fast my baby has grown into a little boy that doesn't need his mommy to fall asleep anymore.


And I didn't care one bit that I now have a mountain fresh remote control. :)

**Fatty Friday**

It's Fatty Friday again! Is it just me or are the weeks just flying by? I feel like I just did the last FF post yesterday or something! I made it into the gym this morning to weigh on my usual FF scale. It's hard to know exactly how much I have lost since last week since I didn't get in there to weigh, but I'm down 6 lbs from 2 weeks ago! Woot! It is so encouraging to see those numbers sink lower and lower.

My training for my first 5k is going so well. I did my first 25 minute run (2.5 miles) without stopping today. It feels amazing to be able to run that long! When I first started back to the gym after having Brax, about 6 weeks ago, I thought I would have a heart attack after running 3 laps on the track. The 2.5 miles is 27.5 laps!! And you know what, I'm not dying at the end of my run. The couch to 5k program is great for building up to running longer times and distances. I'm hoping to do a half marathon by the end of the year (we'll see how that goes... the thought of running 13 miles right now makes me want to hide under the covers!)

Happy getting healthy!

Caught him!

So, I've been trying so hard to snap a pic of Braxton's beautiful smile. Getting him to smile isn't the issue, it's getting him to smile with a huge black camera all up in his business that he's not too crazy about.


The pic isn't great but it's what I got.
This makes me a little,crazy sad because in two short weeks, he'll have his surgery and his face will never be the same. Forever changed in 3-4 hours under the knife. He'll never look like that baby boy they showed me in the OR. His smile will never look like it does now. I'm soaking it up.

A little shoppin...

The one time I felt well enough to get out of the house this week, I decided to round up the babies and make a Target run. Oh how I LOVE Target. I could get into some serious trouble in there!
They had some fantastically cute t-shirts on sale for $8 so I grabbed a couple. I end up staying in my work out clothes most of the day anyway (I know, gross.) So I figured I might as well have a couple of cute things. I picked tie-dye cause I'm a super big tree huggin hippie... Uh, yeah. ;)

They have a bunch of different designs (not just tie-dye) and solids as well. You can't beat $8! I think the sale ends Saturday so you should go getchasome!

Also, I picked up a couple pairs of socks.
Y'all. Do you KNOW that they have super cute socks for ONE DOLLAR per pair?! I think this is fabulous, because I vowed to never ever wear plain white socks again. Weird, I know.


At the end of my Target trip, I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but at least I got a few cute things out of it!

It's Fatty Friday!! (complete with picture)

Hey y'all. This week has been living healthy/getting skinny FAIL. I haven't gotten to work out since LAST FRIDAY. Why, you ask? Because I've been knocked on my ass by what I now know is a severe ear infection, severe sinus infection, and bronchitis. Lovely, huh? So, as much as I would love to still be training for my race, or shakin' it at Zumba, I've been in bed whenever I can, which is sort of hard to accomplish while taking care of two small kiddos!

Today, I am thankful for whomever invented the z-pack. I'm convinced it came straight from heaven. Also, cough syrup with codeine. Together, they are making me better, albeit a little slower than my liking.


So, I usually weigh in on Friday mornings at the gym, so I keep it on the same scale and it's all nice and digital while mine is, well, not. Since I couldn't make it into the gym today, all I have to go by is the scale at the doctor's office that I weighed on Wednesday afternoon. It was about 1 lb lighter, so I'd say that I probably lost 1.5 lbs this week, but I don't really know.

I had been hoping to try to run on Saturday but now that I think about it, I'm not so sure it will be a great idea. Today, just a shower and a quick blow dry had me sweating like a whore in church; I can't even imagine how my first run is going to go!

SO, here's my picture. I have mixed feelings about saying exactly how much I weigh right now. Maybe I'll tell you in another 10 lbs... :) Hopefully, when I take another picture in a month, we'll be able to see some change.

(Please excuse the poor lighting that I wish I could blame the pale skin on... Oh and Ashton wanted to participate in Fatty Friday, too!)

Eating my words.

Last weekend, my old friend from High School, Emily came over so I could do her little sister's hair. We don't see each other very often and it is always so great to get to catch up with her. She said something to me that has had me thinking ever since. She was just saying how crazy it is that I'm all married and a mom of two because when her and I were super close, around our sophomore year, I would always say how I *never* wanted to get married or have children.

I didn't. I didn't want anything to do with that business. I wanted to go off to college and start some big fancy life for myself and I would be damned if I would let a man stand in my way!

I'm not sure what got me away from feeling that way, but I couldn't be happier with the way my life has turned out. I may not have a big shot job and live in a big city like I once thought I would end up, but I get to stay home and watch my babies grow and laugh and learn new things every day.

Back then, I lived for myself, only caring about high school nonsense and gossip.
Today, I live for toddler cuddles and baby snuggles.
It's amazing how times change! :)

Shhhhh! Enough with the crying, plug it up.

A Request.

I've been meaning to post this for a couple of days but the sickness from hell has decided to visit me. If you have a second, please go check out my friend, Lisa's blog. She has had an extremely difficult road trying to conceive that has included miscarriage, a beautiful still born baby boy, and now a predicted miscarriage turned somewhat hopeful. She has another ultrasound on Thursday this week and we are praying so hard for her to hear some good news, finally. Her sweet family needs our prayers!